i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
