I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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