So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
