I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
