Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
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