I wannas sexs uuuuu
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
