so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I haven't been this sober since birth.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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