the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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