then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
