I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
