Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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