Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize