I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
try to milk me bitch
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
