First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
