why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
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I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
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What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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