I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
