I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
