btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
