I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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