omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
please come you make the beer taste better
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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