i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
