I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
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There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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