No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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