I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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