This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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