margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just wanna soil my oats bro
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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