Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
