She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
