Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
