We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
