please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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