dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm getting married
To pizza
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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