My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I need to stop coming to work sober
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
