id be glad to
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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