You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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