your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
