then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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