She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
