Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
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