im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
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Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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