you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
