Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
