Plan B is the new Plan A
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
