Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize