I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
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i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
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Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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