This is not my ceiling
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
