dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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