Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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