I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
