Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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