so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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