i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
