just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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