Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
