yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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