i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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