go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
