My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
