You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
