doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
