my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
