My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
