Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
