she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
