if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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