Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
