sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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