I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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