the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
They took my balls.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
