to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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