Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
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