Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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