How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
