I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
