had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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