I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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