Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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