This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
